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Three Jokes

March 13th, 2012 admin No comments

A man is flying in a hot air balloon and realizes he is lost. He reduces height and spots a man down below.
He lowers the balloon further and shouts, Excuse me, can you tell me where I am?
The man below says: Yes. You’re in a hot air balloon, hovering 30 feet above this field.
You must work in Information Technology says the balloonist.
I do replies the man. How did you know?
Well says the balloonist, Everything you have told me is technically correct, but it’s no use to anyone.
The man below says, You must be a manager in business.
I do replies the balloonist, but how did you know?
Well, says the man, You don’t know where you are, or where you’re going, but you expect me to be able to help.
You’re in the same position you were before we met, but now it’s my fault.

A man was driving along a freeway when he noticed a chicken running along side his car.
He was amazed to see the chicken keeping up with him because he was doing 50 MPH.
He accelerated to 60 and the chicken stayed right next to him. He speeded up to 75 MPH and the chicken passed him up.
The man noticed the chicken had three legs. So, he followed to chicken down a road and ended up at a farm.
He got out of his car and saw that all the chickens had three legs.
He asked the farmer What’s up with these chickens?
The farmer said Well, everybody likes chicken legs. I bred a three legged bird. I’m going to be a millionaire.
The man asked him how they tasted.
The farmer said Don’t know, haven’t caught one yet.

A physicist, a theoretical economist and an econometrician are asked to find a black cat (who doesn’t really exist) in a closed room with the lights off:
The physicist gets crazy trying to find a black cat that doesn’t exist inside the darkened room and ends up in a psychiatric hospital.
The theoretical economist is unable to catch the black cat that doesn’t exist inside the darkened room,
but exits the room proudly proclaiming that he can construct a model to describe all his movements with extreme accuracy.
The econometrician walks securely into the darkened room, spend one hour looking for the black cat
that doesn’t exits and shouts from inside the room that he has it catched by the neck.

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XLNS was added to the Spreadsheet Page from John Walkenbach.

February 16th, 2012 admin No comments

Just found out that my blog was added to the Spreadsheet Page from John Walkenbach.

I could not resist making a screenshot with the 10 post from my Blog …

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Windows 8 Developer Preview downloads

September 14th, 2011 admin No comments

For everybody who is interested a link

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New Plugin to display the sourcecode

May 19th, 2011 admin No comments

Just downloaded and installed the SyntaxHighlighter Evolved Plugin on my blog to display the sourcecode here in a more readable way.

regards

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Finally up to date….!

May 18th, 2011 admin No comments

Finally I put back all my post in chronological order. I have a bucket full of ideas for post mainly on PowerPivot, Excel, VBA, SQL Server etc. etc. Probally they will also be posted on the excelusergroup.org and maybe on some forums because they are not always finalized ideas.

I’m aiming for some feedback and comments….

glad to be back

Jelle-Jeroen

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VLOOKUP returning multiple columns

May 18th, 2011 admin No comments

February 8th, 2010

I use this method for a long time now a just reccently discovered nobody else does.

I’ve got 2 tables, lets call them tbMaster ans tbSlave. Most people use a new vlookup for every column they want to retrieve from tbSlave. What I usually do is use vlookup as an array formula.

For example if I want to get the 4th, 7th and 9th column from tbSlave I select 3 columns in tbMaster and type

=VLOOKUP(tbMaster[[#This Row],[Name]],tbSlave,{4,7,9},0) followed by Ctrl Shift Enter

Besides the normal vlookup disadvantages in my opinion the array solution is better

 

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The risks of stupidity

May 18th, 2011 admin No comments

October 8th, 2009

A general once made a practical observation on the risks of stupidity.

I divide my officers into four classes; the clever, the lazy, the industrious, and the stupid.

Each officer possesses at least two of these qualities.

Those who are clever and industrious are fitted for the highest staff appointments.

Use can be made of those who are stupid and lazy.

The man who is clever and lazy however is for the very highest command; he has the temperament and nerves to deal with all situations.

But whoever is stupid and industrious is a menace and must be removed immediately!

 

 

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Technical Preview program MS Office 2010

May 18th, 2011 admin No comments

July 15th, 2009

Just got my invitation mail for the Technical Preview program for Office 2010.
I’m gonna dedicate a machine to Windows 7 and Office 2010 because you can’t upgrade
a 64bit Office 2007 system to a Office 2010 system.

Any post will have to wait until I get back from my 2 weeks of vacation starting next friday.

 

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Compagny Culture

May 18th, 2011 admin No comments

May 14th, 2009

Start with a cage containing five apes. In the cage, hang a banana on a string and put stairs
under it. Before long, an ape will go to the stairs and start to climb towards the banana.
As soon as he touches the stairs, spray all of the apes with cold water. After a while, another
ape makes an attempt with the same result-all the apes are sprayed with cold water.

When another ape tries to climb the stairs, the other apes will try to prevent it.

Now, turn off the cold water. Next, remove one ape from the cage and replace it with a new one.
The new ape sees the banana and wants to climb the stairs. To his horror, all of the other apes
attack him.

After another attempt and attack, he knows that if he tries to climb the stairs, he will be
assaulted. Next, remove another of the original five apes and replace it with a new one.
The newcomer goes to the stairs and is attacked. The previous newcomer takes
part in the punishment with enthusiasm.

Again, replace a third original ape with a new one. The new one makes it to the stairs and is
attacked as well. Two of the four apes that beat him have no idea why they were not permitted
to climb the stairs, or why they are participating in the beating of the newest ape.

After replacing the fourth and fifth original apes, all the apes which have
been sprayed with cold water have been replaced. Nevertheless, no ape
ever again approaches the stairs.
Why not? “Because that’s the way it’s always been around here.”

That’s how individual initiative is beaten to death and a company culture begins.

( If you pay peanuts,… you get monkeys )

 

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The Microsoft Office 2010 IT Blog

May 18th, 2011 admin No comments

May 13th, 2009
Just found a new Microsoft Blog about Office 2010.
There is almost nothing there yet but I should be great…

http://blogs.technet.com/office2010/

Enjoy

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